Lately I've been feeling restless. When I came back from Christmas break I was excited and ready to be here in LaGrange. Ready to get back to my service site. Ready to see all my kids. 6 weeks later that all to familiar restless feeling is creeping up again. It's not that I don't want to be in LaGrange, or be at my service site, it's that I'm ready for the next step. I try to make a conscience effort to live in the present, but lately I have found myself wishing for the future. I'll be 30 next month. Normally around your 30th birthday you tend to wish for time to stand still.
It's so hard to live in the present sometimes. I know I am always looking ahead to what's next. Mission Year has been an unexpected time in my life. I'm glad I took a year off of "normal" life to be here, to see life through a different lens. In some ways my old life doesn't seem so normal anymore. But instead in being on my schedule I'm on someone elses, Mission Years, Anton's, our house's; not mine.
Everyday I'm at school it makes me wish I had my own classroom. I can't wait for next year because I want to be a teacher. It's what I really love. Giving up my classroom and leaving all my materials behind has been the toughest thing about this year. But even if I do have my own classroom next year depending on where I live, I will have to start all over, new school, new grade, new everything.
We are starting an after school center next week in our neighborhood. I love the kids in our neighborhood, I love hanging out with them. I think an afterschool center is going to be a great resource for the children in our neighborhood I'm excited I really am, but I'd rather be setting up a real classroom with all of my classroom materials. I worked hard buying and collecting books, toys... and now they are all packed away. It's hard not having the luxury of buying the things I want. It frustrating not being in charge or having control when you are used to being the one in charge.
I suppose I'm just kind of sad. I miss my old life. I miss my old friends. I miss my old job.
Friday – May 3, 2024 – Eastertide
22 hours ago
Taking off from teaching, I've felt the same as you in a lot of ways! I miss getting to try out fun ideas with the kids and getting to buy those new picture books to read in class! All my stuff is in boxes, crowding our garage and our attic... I feel your pain! But, I do think this break will make me appreciate it more. I'm also really enjoying not being so stressed out and not having to do the long hours that a bilingual position forced me into!
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