Can't / Can

It's easy to become overwhelmed when you are surrounded by those who have needs, esp needs that I know I can't meet. I've been having a hard time focusing on how I can best serve my community and esp my neighborhood. It's easy to jump from one crisis to the next. I know that my role is not to "fix" people or situations but I think I have been internalizing many situation and problems my neighbors have. God has given me a compassionate heart. It's hard for to me hear Jallen is living in a hotel, Delonate got suspended again, Laetavious' dad just got put in jail, Mercedes got kicked off her bus for yelling at the bus driver, and Kamerin can barely read at a first grade level and has the 4th grade CRCT in two months without feeling the need to "fix" these problems. It's not that I feel responsible, but I feel like I should, as the white person with resources, step in and save these kids or at least do something. I don't have the need to get recognition for doing something noble, but I do have the desire to see kids overcome their turbulent lives.

We started our afterschool program this week. We are holding the program in a small apartment. Tuesday, Jamie and I spent the day getting the apartment ready, making sure we planned out our daily activities and routine. Everything looked great. But when it came time for the kids to come, it was a disaster. The reason for the disaster, one of the kids I invited. His behavior was terrible. His attitude was terrible. At the end of the day it dawned on me, I can't change him. That's not my job. I wanted so badly for him to come to our afterschool center. I wanted to help him with his homework in a fun environment. I want him to catch up because is SO far behind in school. These are good things to want, to strive for. But I can't change him.

Yesterday he wasn't there. The day was completely different. At the end of the day I was happy. I wasn't frustrated. I wasn't angry. Maybe he will come back maybe he won't. I won't feel responsible if he doesn't. My heart still breaks for all these kids. I still have the need to "fix" them. But I know I can't. But there are things I do. I can invite them to my house. I can get to know their parents. I can live in their neighborhood. I can tell others about the opportunites you have living in the "wrong" neighborhood. I can pray.