Double birthday day!

It's my birthday, which means 2 days till Spring Break, which means 2 days till my birthday party in New Orleans!!!!!! I can hardly wait!!!

I got 31 birthday spankings with a giant blue clown shoe in front of a bunch of third graders! They got a good laugh!

Perspective

I was going to write about this being the last day of my twenties. About how hard it can be to get older. And then I heard from Ben that one of our closest friends here just got arrested. This the second friend to get arrested this month. Sounds like I might need to rethink who these friends of mine are. Maybe I am hanging out with the wrong crowd. Oh yeah, his crime, being Latino and driving without a license. Kinda makes my whoas about turning 30 seem very petty.

This just makes me so mad. Why does this have to happen? Why haven't our laws changed? Over the course of this year I've had my eyes opened to just how wrong our immigration policies are. If life was good in Mexico, if they could have been able to provide for their families, they wouldn't have left. But they had to, you could say they were pushed out of their country.

Our country has plenty. Our country is not only wealthy, we are wasteful. We have so much we can afford to get rid of the extra. Just yesterday I was thinking I might need to pack up some of my things and take them to Goodwill. There are millions of people who would gladly take my extra, the things that aren't good enough for me anymore. And yet what do we do to those who already have so much less then us. Fine them and throw them into jail.

Two weekends ago Dustin, Jamie, and about 8 others, all Latino, from LaGrange took a 17+ hour bus trip to DC to participate in an immigration rally/march. They said about 500,000 marched to the Capitol. I wish I would have gone. People like me need to be at these rallies, people like me who can have a voice for the voiceless. This week Anton is leading a Holy Week Pilgrimage for Immigrants through Atlanta and the surrounding areas.

Sometimes I forget about the hardships our friends here face. This month we have celebrated birthday's, shared meals, hung out.. things you do with your friends and family. This is a sobering reminder of why I am here. We are here to build relationships and share Christ, but we are also here to be a voice for those who aren't being heard. I hope Arturo is bonded out soon. He has to be there for my party tomorrow. It wouldn't be right if he wasn't.

Shiny Pans

I think I romanticized what it would be like to live in Christian community before Mission Year. I first thought about living in community because it would be economical. Living with people means you don’t have to spend as much money on stuff because you share what you have. I don’t think I realized how hard it actually can be to share your things. A while back I noticed that my pans were getting really dirty. I would always put foil on them to keep them clean. It was just what I did. I noticed that some of my housemates did not put foil on the pans and they started getting really stained. I was kinda mad, because these were after all my pans. I like shiny things! Well, I guess I’m not that good at sharing after all! Shiny pan or stained pan, it’s still a pan and it still helps bake my cookies. If you really share what you have you have to, in a way deny your ownership. Or at least realize that is just stuff!

Figuring out how to share, my things, my space, my time, has been much more challenging than I ever thought, but most of the time it’s so worth it. I am so thankful for my roommates. We have so much fun together. Zach and Margareta have a huge 84 Caprice. This car has to be the greatest Mission Year car ever! A couple weeks ago we all piled in the Caprice and made the short trip to Alabama for a night of wings and bowling! For some reason the guy that worked at Wing Stop gave us 50 free wings which brought our total wing consumption to 100 wings!!! Wings, black light bowling ,and old country music made the night fun, really fun.

In a few months when this year is over I know the thing I will miss the most about this year is living in our home. After about a month or two the excitement of community wore off. I wasn’t sure if we would ever really function as a family. But now, most of the time, it’s one the best parts of my year. The community we have in our house is real. The friendships we have made with kids in our neighborhood are real. Even though I sometimes get tired of answering the doorbell, I am lucky to live in a place where my doorbell constantly rings. It’s good to be needed, and loved.

The Great Outdoors

Georgia is really pretty. We have recently had a chance to do some hiking in the mountains, well the foothills of the mountains! It was wonderful to experience and explore God great outdoors! Makes me think back to being a kid when my favorite place to be was in the woods and my favorite thing to do was hike and climb mountains.

Focus

I've been having a hard time focusing. I'm realizing I desperately need structure. By nature I am not focused. I get easily distracted. I can't clean our room to save my life, it's impossible for me to keep my things organized. I want to, but it's REALLY hard for me. I feel like my life is scattered right now. I'm having a hard time focusing on my purpose here with Mission Year. Looking back at my life my track record is to try something for a little while and then quit and move on to something else. That's what I did in college, that what I did after college, and I feel like that is what I am doing here. What I really want is to do one thing really well as opposed to dabbling in lots of things.

I loved teaching because it offered me the structure my life needed. In that structure I had freedom to make my own lessons, but I knew what the end goal needed to be. This year I'm not sure what my end goal is supposed to be. Plus I'm confused as to what I should do next. Should I move, should I stay, should I teach, should I go to grad school, or what I really want, have a baby. The list just keeps going.

Teaching at my service site is a bit challenging because I don't exactly know what my end goal should be. Several of the kids I work with are really far behind and I am trying to help them play catch up. It's challenging because where they should be at the end of the year, in reality won't happen. It's hard for me to focus on what is the most important thing they can get from their time spent with me.

This past weekend Jamie and one of our neighbors taught me how to knit with a loom. This weekend I finished making a scarf. I have wanted to learn to knit for years and I can't tell you how cool it was to hold I scarf that I made!!!! I'm such a wanna be crafty person. It felt so good to have a finished product. I can look back and see what I have done. I want the rest of my time here to be like that. I want to look back and feel accomplished, like I've done something of value. I know the relationships and quality time I've spent with neighbors is of value, but I want my year to be more than hanging out with people. It's been more than that but I really want my last four months in Mission Year to really be a valuable, not only to me, but to someone else too.

Mr. Spanish Speaker

A friend of ours has asked me to teach him to read in English. I love teaching kids how to read and was excited he asked me to help him. English is so hard though. I was one of those lucky people who learned to read with ease. It wasn't until I started teaching phonics and first grade that I realized that English is nuts. The 26 letters in the alphabet make about 40 sounds individually, then there are all the weird letter combinations that make even more sounds.

I think most Americans take English for granted. We expect that US immigrants should learn English and get extremely annoyed when they don't. I think we forget that it is hard. And it's even harder if you aren't around English speaking people that often. From the people we have met, the men speak much better English because they are at work, while the women stay home and therefore aren't around English speakers.

This year I've said I want to learn Spanish, and I have learned some, but I don't think I have as much initiative as some of my Hispanic friends. In the words of Mr. Bud Man, I salute you native Spanish speakers who are trying to learn English. Maybe I can learn from you and soon I'll be able to learn Spanish too!

30

I will be 30 in thirteen days. I was kinda bummed about getting so old, but then I remembered, it's my birthday who cares how old I am! Spring Break is right after my birthday and Ben is planning a fantastic party in New Orleans with some of my friends. Now I can't wait to turn 30! Turning 30 means seeing my friends that I have been missing dearly. Come on 30!

By the way, thanks to everyone who has donated $30 to my Mission Year birthday fund! We have almost raised all our support! Click here if you want to make a birthday donation!

News

The local paper did an interview on us if anyone is interested.
In a small town I suppose you can get attention for just about anything!

A Few Recent Picures

Amin's 5th Birthday

Us with the birthday boy!


Mavi and her cupcake pop

Mmmmm

Laughter

Sometimes living community makes me want to retreat to my room or escape from the house. Lately though, unless I am at school, I would rather be at home. I know it safe there. It sometimes is the only place where I can stop all the busyiness. But even at home we are often entertaining/hanging our neighbors and roommates. Most of us have been frustrated this past month, for various reasons but last night we were we all gathered in my room, let some steam off, shared some frustrations, and ended up laughing harder than I have in quite a while. It felt good, really good.

It's gets easy to lose sight of why we are here in the midst of the busyiness. I am here to share Christ with my neighborhood. I am here to live in Christian community. Busyiness is probably one of the main reasons I'm frustrated. It's not good to simply fill our days with doing, even if we are doing good things. It's good, so good to take time to stop and laugh and be goofy. We don't get enough of that these days. I am thankful for laughter.

Monday = not so bad!

Today was pretty good for a Monday. I am so proud of the accomplishments I am seeing in many of the kids with whom I work. Kendarious is becoming a reader. Today we read a whole book together. He is actually sounding out words and figuring them out, but he is also recalling most of this sight words. Best of all, he feels good about himself. Fifth grade today went much better than usual. The lesson was on the circumference of circles and my goal was to teach them how to use the formulas. They really seemed to catch on. Granted, this is because I broke the lesson up. State standards seem to push each kids along from topic to topic with out allowing enough time to truly master anything. I think many kids could understand if their teachers were given the time to truly teach instead of having to rush along their lessons to stay on scope and sequence.

Tonight it's my turn to cook for the group. I am making white chicken chili. I am happy about this for 2 reasons. #1 our meal is going to have chicken!!!!! #2 I love white chicken chili! I split Mavi's 3 layer bday cake into 6 layers, so tonight we have a whole other cake for desert too! Jamie and I also made molasses cookies last night. I can't wait for dinner!

The best weekend

This weekend was fantastic. The past couple weeks, and last week especially have been extremely taxing. Our days and weekends seem to always be filled with entertaining adults, kids, and trying to figure out this whole community things. We have had very little time for ourselves. This was definitely something we were warned about by others who have done Mission Year before us. Don't forget to take out time for yourself, and esp for you and your spouse. Sometimes living in community and showing hospitality can make finding time for yourself downright hard. But if you don't you will get frustrated and burned out.

On Friday night we went out to dinner and hung out with some of out our teammates. It was so fun getting away from the house and having dinner. Saturday morning while Ben and Dustin went to an all you can eat pancake breakfast, Jamie and I went to a neighborhood yoga class and it kicked my butt! Saturday afternoon a group from Columbus, the Social Justice League, came down and spent the day with us. They wanted to hear about how our experiences have been thus far with intentional community, what we thought it would be vs. what it actually is. It was great hanging out with them. Sometimes conversations we have and things we do seem forced. This was different. The whole day and the whole conversation seemed just to flow, it was natural. Later the guys showed them around town and shared more of the issues that plague LaGrange.

Saturday night Ben and I saw Alice and Wonderland. It was just wonderful. Sometimes relaxing at the movie theatre with delicious, unhealthy popcorn it just what the doctor ordered. But today was really the best day. Our group decided to forgo our regular church and instead celebrate God in the mountains. Pine Mountain is about 30 minutes from LaGrange and offers a gorgeous state park and a hiking trail. It was wonderful. Margareta shared this poem by Wendell Berry

The peace of wild things

When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

It was beautiful. Sometimes we just need a reminder to just be. We don't need to worry about tomorrow or all the problems that face our world. We simply need to be in awe at the beauty of God's creation. Just be.



Margereta ringing the bells she found in the tree.



We found some huge pinecone on the trail and brought about 20 home. We decided they would be a great project for the kids at after school. Easter egg pinecones! The weather was gorgeous. Jamie and I sat on the porch and painted pinecone while some of the guys played catch with the neighborhood kids.

Today was also Mavi and Mohammad's birthday. I made them a chocolate cake and we had them over later to celebrate. This weeked was awesome! I am thankful for this weekend. It brought us closer together as a team and gave us a chance just enjoy each others company.

Community: No Thanks

Not only is living in community hard I think it's takes all the fun out of life. WHAT???? When you are just friends with others you get to choose how much time you spend together. Not so in community, or at least in our house. We are constantly around each other. It's impossible to stay sane living under these conditions. I get so MAD at myself for getting mad and moody for no apparent reason. I am having the hardest time not getting annoyed and not complaining.
I love my roommates, I think they are great people with big wonderful ideas and even bigger hearts. But we are forced to spend way to much time together. I try to be very open and honest with my feelings. I am not okay with pretending that I'm okay with everything when I am not. But that just make me look like a chronic complainer.

There is no room for individuals in community. Everything has to be done with the community in mind. But every community will be made of followers and leaders. Those who are leaders will naturally lead the group in doing or not doing certain things. But is it really because it's what the group wants. Or is it what the leader wants. There are those who will always have their voice and opinion heard loud over everyone else. Community is great for those who know they will get their way ultimately. I am not so sure I am buying into this whole community thing anymore.

There is no room for individuals in community. Everything has to be done with the community in mind. But every community will be made of followers and leaders. Those who are leaders will naturally lead the group in doing or not doing certain things. But is it really because it's what the group wants. Or is it what the leader wants. There are those who will always have their voice and opinion heard loud over everyone else. Community is great for those who know they will get their way ultimately.

We all have a need to be individuals. God made each person unique, gave each person their own gifts, and their own hearts. I feel like in community you have to put your own uniqueness aside for the sake of community. Community was on of the things that first drew me to Mission Year. Now its my turning into my least favorite thing about this year. I don't think this is way community is supposed to make you feel.

I feel like much of our community is forced. We have to do things together. I can find value in most of the things we do, but basically I don't have a choice. Most of the things I do this year is because I have to. I have to pray at 6am, go to Alterna meals 3 times a week and put on a smile, work in the garden on plant days, work at the after school program, and travel around Georgia visiting other intentional communities. These things I don't mind so much, most of the time I like doing them. But what I am SICK of is constantly talking about social justice and community and most of all REFLECTIONS. I am sick of reflecting on every thing I do. I am sick of having to make everything I do into a cause. I feel like we have ulterior motives behind everything. Can't I just do something because it's fun. I feel like our neighbors have turned into a project. I feel like the after school center was created just to make our group look like we are concerned with the poor. I don't like to do things for show.

We had to read about a community in California that has to consult with their community before they are allowed to have a baby. This is crazy. I'm all for seeking advice from those you trust, from looking at things from different perspectives, but ultimately I have to make the decision that is best for me and my family. I feel like just saying the word me is making me anti community. But I'm not.

I believe in what we are doing, but not in how we are doing it.

Naked Mole Rats

I just discovered the most wonderful news. The LaGrange public library lets you check out 50 books at one time!!! How awesome is that! Our afterschool program is is desperate need of good books and now we have them, and the best thing they are FREE!!!! Monday afternoon we check out about 30 books including several by Mo Willems. We have now learned that Mo Willems not only has awesome pigeon books, but he has an awesome web site and even more awesome books! Yesterday we read The Naked Mole Rat Who Gets Dressed, and afterwards the kids designed their own clothes/costumes for their own naked mole rats. They seemed to have a good time. Thank goodness for fun, silly books. I hope we can help our kids realize reading really can be a fun thing! If you have never seen a naked mole rat, be aware, they are about the ugliest creature I have ever laid my eyes on. Thankfully ours were much cuter!