Focus

I've been having a hard time focusing. I'm realizing I desperately need structure. By nature I am not focused. I get easily distracted. I can't clean our room to save my life, it's impossible for me to keep my things organized. I want to, but it's REALLY hard for me. I feel like my life is scattered right now. I'm having a hard time focusing on my purpose here with Mission Year. Looking back at my life my track record is to try something for a little while and then quit and move on to something else. That's what I did in college, that what I did after college, and I feel like that is what I am doing here. What I really want is to do one thing really well as opposed to dabbling in lots of things.

I loved teaching because it offered me the structure my life needed. In that structure I had freedom to make my own lessons, but I knew what the end goal needed to be. This year I'm not sure what my end goal is supposed to be. Plus I'm confused as to what I should do next. Should I move, should I stay, should I teach, should I go to grad school, or what I really want, have a baby. The list just keeps going.

Teaching at my service site is a bit challenging because I don't exactly know what my end goal should be. Several of the kids I work with are really far behind and I am trying to help them play catch up. It's challenging because where they should be at the end of the year, in reality won't happen. It's hard for me to focus on what is the most important thing they can get from their time spent with me.

This past weekend Jamie and one of our neighbors taught me how to knit with a loom. This weekend I finished making a scarf. I have wanted to learn to knit for years and I can't tell you how cool it was to hold I scarf that I made!!!! I'm such a wanna be crafty person. It felt so good to have a finished product. I can look back and see what I have done. I want the rest of my time here to be like that. I want to look back and feel accomplished, like I've done something of value. I know the relationships and quality time I've spent with neighbors is of value, but I want my year to be more than hanging out with people. It's been more than that but I really want my last four months in Mission Year to really be a valuable, not only to me, but to someone else too.

Mr. Spanish Speaker

A friend of ours has asked me to teach him to read in English. I love teaching kids how to read and was excited he asked me to help him. English is so hard though. I was one of those lucky people who learned to read with ease. It wasn't until I started teaching phonics and first grade that I realized that English is nuts. The 26 letters in the alphabet make about 40 sounds individually, then there are all the weird letter combinations that make even more sounds.

I think most Americans take English for granted. We expect that US immigrants should learn English and get extremely annoyed when they don't. I think we forget that it is hard. And it's even harder if you aren't around English speaking people that often. From the people we have met, the men speak much better English because they are at work, while the women stay home and therefore aren't around English speakers.

This year I've said I want to learn Spanish, and I have learned some, but I don't think I have as much initiative as some of my Hispanic friends. In the words of Mr. Bud Man, I salute you native Spanish speakers who are trying to learn English. Maybe I can learn from you and soon I'll be able to learn Spanish too!

30

I will be 30 in thirteen days. I was kinda bummed about getting so old, but then I remembered, it's my birthday who cares how old I am! Spring Break is right after my birthday and Ben is planning a fantastic party in New Orleans with some of my friends. Now I can't wait to turn 30! Turning 30 means seeing my friends that I have been missing dearly. Come on 30!

By the way, thanks to everyone who has donated $30 to my Mission Year birthday fund! We have almost raised all our support! Click here if you want to make a birthday donation!

News

The local paper did an interview on us if anyone is interested.
In a small town I suppose you can get attention for just about anything!

A Few Recent Picures

Amin's 5th Birthday

Us with the birthday boy!


Mavi and her cupcake pop

Mmmmm

Laughter

Sometimes living community makes me want to retreat to my room or escape from the house. Lately though, unless I am at school, I would rather be at home. I know it safe there. It sometimes is the only place where I can stop all the busyiness. But even at home we are often entertaining/hanging our neighbors and roommates. Most of us have been frustrated this past month, for various reasons but last night we were we all gathered in my room, let some steam off, shared some frustrations, and ended up laughing harder than I have in quite a while. It felt good, really good.

It's gets easy to lose sight of why we are here in the midst of the busyiness. I am here to share Christ with my neighborhood. I am here to live in Christian community. Busyiness is probably one of the main reasons I'm frustrated. It's not good to simply fill our days with doing, even if we are doing good things. It's good, so good to take time to stop and laugh and be goofy. We don't get enough of that these days. I am thankful for laughter.

Monday = not so bad!

Today was pretty good for a Monday. I am so proud of the accomplishments I am seeing in many of the kids with whom I work. Kendarious is becoming a reader. Today we read a whole book together. He is actually sounding out words and figuring them out, but he is also recalling most of this sight words. Best of all, he feels good about himself. Fifth grade today went much better than usual. The lesson was on the circumference of circles and my goal was to teach them how to use the formulas. They really seemed to catch on. Granted, this is because I broke the lesson up. State standards seem to push each kids along from topic to topic with out allowing enough time to truly master anything. I think many kids could understand if their teachers were given the time to truly teach instead of having to rush along their lessons to stay on scope and sequence.

Tonight it's my turn to cook for the group. I am making white chicken chili. I am happy about this for 2 reasons. #1 our meal is going to have chicken!!!!! #2 I love white chicken chili! I split Mavi's 3 layer bday cake into 6 layers, so tonight we have a whole other cake for desert too! Jamie and I also made molasses cookies last night. I can't wait for dinner!